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An artwork based on the abuse I had experienced going
through a rough time being bullied in 2008, misunderstood
and trolled which happened a second time in 2011 this time
with a banning.
I have been noted for a strange "alien-like" being so
different with different ways and outlook on life and things
in general. I often get condemned for who I am and what I am
especially by a few conservative people who dont understand
that my thoughts, body and mind are wired differently from
the rest of the world. From a recent tragedy, which was
caused because I felt my Skinning Tutorial which is for all
artists and everyone to learn how to skin there 3D figures
was censored with a tag thingy. I had been suspended because
of it, no one listened to me or explained. I had a very
broken heart, and i could not create or draw anything. I
thought i had lost my "gift" my inability to create. I could
not connect with my imagination, the world I share with you,
and slip into it to escape hard times. I decided to fight
this "blockage" of not being able to draw with this image,
and then in turn forgive and show love, and this is what the
I have a little story myself about the fella ting ting.. I
want to thank that someone who tried to send me on as a gift
two years ago, I don't remember who, and alot has happened,
and some people say they send me things and it never arrives
possibly because of the postal service , it got lost and so
on so forth or reasons that the person ended in a financial
bang or just forgot.. as they had so much in life they don't
Well When I was working on this artwork, as you can see my
plushy here isn't the real one, and would have photographed
my very own if i had one. But my parents saw me working on
this image, and they left.. and they murmured to each other
... and what i heard was from them " that thing i threw it
away because it looked demonic or something like an alien
cross a devil. and also they don't accept me as there
daughter and have gender problem, and they not help .....".
Yup i lock myself in the room most of the time, as i have
asked help from outside and don't get much, and so i lock
myself in the room and do art and things on the computer.
When they leave i then crawl into the forest, next to the
house I live in.
I then realized that that someone did send me it, and i feel
very very very awful what my parents had done, who ever you
are I am so so so sorry...As i would have loved to have
hugged it tight in this depressive moment.. as i don't have
anything like this, and only have my pillow, which i sleep
with every night. Its just not fair since Laura, Jessica,
Tina have there fluffy huggy thingies to hug when they are
alone. I certainly missed the time when i stayed with my
friends and slept in there arms two years ago...The fella
plushy thingy arrived about a year or two ago, when i was
away, and my parents got hold of it and got rid of it. I
feel heart sore about it and especially for the one who sent
it to me who I don't know.
Well the image itself has a story, I describe the image
first then the story.. The elf crying holding the Fella ting
ting, is a portrait of me. I improved on it
Then the other elf is my guardian, (some people would call
her "spiritual guide") but she is my imaginary freind,
comforter and lover when i am alone... and often spend tie
with her and all my elves in sensual embrace in hard times.
She is Zanaria, the queen of the elves. Then on the screen
is my page... what it looks like at the time, and then the
fairies who play music while Zanaria comforts me and they
also motivate me to get to draw and create a new Deviation.
I was so upset what had happened, i lost contact with my
Deviants, could not fave there Deviations, and I myself felt
like I had been labelled something bad when i have been just
myself. I lost interest in drawing and art completely and
was planning on very bad things i my life so that it would
end. I could not go into my world, i cried, holding my
pillow, strangling it as if it would come alive to hug and
comfort me. I played my favourite music, Dana International
in the background, it eased me a little, but still i could
not draw, i could not go into my magical world. Then
suddenly a fairy flew into the window and sat on my table,
and went "psst !, Zanaria wants to see you, follow me." I
was so upset and uptight what happened I had no love in my
heart, and had lost the power of the elf, and merly appeared
like a depressed human. I threw the pillow at the fairy,
which sent her flying off the table.. but luckily her wings
kept her from falling or ending up splat against the wall.
"Zana, come with me, please zanaria wants to restore your
magic, if you don't, you will end up like a cold human from
"O.k," I said , take me there,...i would hate to end up like
them, so cold, so firm, so narrow, and so hard."
On the way, grabbed my cigarettes, left my phone, and walked
briskly behind the fairy which almost had her bum ending in
my face since i was walking faster than she was flying. I
started smoking on the way into the forest. The walk seemed
longer than normal, as if I was walking from one dimension
in another, there were more trees, more flowers and more
warm damp air, which felt warm and wet against my skin, with
water droplets beginning to form on my dry skin. Moistening
it, nourishing it... and eventually removed my clothes as
they became uncomfortable, left the cigarettes, and
continued to follow the fairy.
Later i heard running water, never been hear fr along time,
but it felt strange because normally one would have to walk
past allot of human houses to get here.. but there was
nothing but trees, nature, and love.
I followed the fairy to a small elvin dwelling growing from
the side of the waterfall of my secret place.. and had to
swim through the water to get there. The water was cool, and
soothing against my skin, and slowly washed away the dryness
from the human world away. I arrived and zanaria was there,
she greeted me and gave me a long hug and kiss..
"You feel dead, lil one, i know what has happened, as I can
see ..." She took me inside the dwelling and i sat on a
large warm algae covered fungus rubbery floor, and looked at
a screen which came from the roof. If showed my Deviantart
page, the way I see it, not my visitors.
"Zanaria, get that away from me... " i flumped down and lay
and started to cry.. All the fairies that were flying around
in the area stopped what they were doing and all seemed to
have had there attention on the drama. Zanaria gently
reclined beside me and held me tight against her warm body,
emitting love and warmth into mine, pushing the inner pain
within my own body, out through my eyes as tears. It flowed
from her hands, and skin into mine.
"look what I have found!" Zanaria giggled... I found it in
the trash outside your house the one night and i was crying
when i saw your parents throw it away.
I looked up, and she was dangling a Fella plushy in my
face... I looked at it and I took it and thanked her,
holding it tight against my chest. squeezing it, as i cried
more, She pointed at the screen, see its not long you will
be back, to show the world about love with our magic..
"I want you to draw a Deviation, a Deviation of love and
healing, for me, you can do it.." As she was talking a fairy
from one end, came with a quill pen, and the other with a
paper with a Deviant logo.
As i tried to draw, A fairy came and sat on my leg and
started to play the flute , a song, an old ancient Elvin
tune that sounded like a Celtic song or chant... it was full
of healing.. Zanaria sang new words to the tune for me, for
you, for Deviantart, for the world, while she stroked my
hair and body, with warmth and light flowing from her touch
from her heart through her body into mine... She began to
play clearly against the running water with the tune that
braught tears to your eyes, and soften the heart..
The Elvin Magick of Love chant:
I wonder when I look at life, and you may see.
Its leaves has weaped over mystery.
Its dwellers don't understand what they fully see.
Unravelled grass can lavender bloom.
Unravelled forests can lead path to desserts of doom.
For hope has a place in your loving heart.
For hope has a place in a loving heart.
When winter returns, and makes life hard times.
The air evenly flows, through your ocean tides
One hope, one place may end or it may start
Yearn to Love, and learn to love and you may dream
And if it should leave may your love have wings and be free.
Then search your heart, there is more to see
When hope is full, your heart is free.
Many roads in life are long and dull, and hard.
Let love rise and never let it depart.
Let hope have a place in your loving heart.
May love wash away your tears and make your heart free.
May love make new hope, new dreams and fantasy.
Then i completed the drawing and gave it to her, and she
grabbed me and held me tight, and our tears dried up, life
flowed in our eyes, and cries turned into laughter and
giggles, nose rubbing and kisses.. Some elves who walked
past joined in chatting, playing, giggeling,hugging and
kissing, then music filled the air as some carried
instruments and started singing...
I was so peaceful and calm , being loved I closed my eyes
and feel asleep...peacefully ... with a a fairy kissing me
on the cheek.
I hope you enjoyed the deviation, created from magic and love
from the center of my heart to you..
Enjoy ((^_^)) p.s you free what ever you wish to do with it,
as its a gift to you... all.