(click to view/download full size)
This is therapy artwork which I had done as the months from
April 2011 to June 2011 were the most horrific events in my
life where I had experienced rejection when discovering the
truth about myself to the point it lead me to be banned from
deviantart, and deteriorated in mental well being and also
the fear of my parents coming to visit me in the UK. After
doing this painting a lot of the hurt, fears and pain of
rejection and abuse which I had throughout my life and
especially doing those months were removed from my conscious
being onto canvas. In June i had felt relieved when getting
my first dress as a gift from my mother, and being told that
I had been born with both, if it wasn't for this painting I
don't think my mother and father would truly have seen my
feelings, on the secret that had been kept from me all these
years and the pain that went through inside me.
Today 18th June my mum bought me my first dress from her, I
was so much in tears of happiness, It was a dream come true,
and my mum did say I was born with both and she feels awful
about what was done to me and did not say anything hoping
that I would switch back to living as a male according to
the books, as she said the doctors said I would be better
off as a male than female which was actually wrong... when
looking at this painting on my wall and I had been born with
two intersexed conditions, or better positively said
The text that is said above the strand of DNA in the extra
terrestrial font says "I AM".
The Silent Scream
The feeling of being isolated cut off and pushed in the
The worst nightmare of my life, has gone to long..
Everyday is a battle of emotions, the cycle of rejection.
I do not understand this inhumane treatment
The difficulty of explaining myself, the invisible gag
The bondage of my self expression, creativity
The bondage of my existence and to be.
My blood pressure boils on the fire of panic
The rejection based on the basis of what I am.
All I wish for is to be loved, accepted, and tolerated
The never ending torment of rejection and isolation
Why do people do this to me, do they get amusement from it ?
The agony and pain, the lack of understanding…
The silent scream of my voice on the still winds
The cold air holds my words, unable to express myself
What crimes have I committed to be rejected?
I try grab the hands of people longing for love and
They pull there arms away as if I have an incurable
The ache of my heart throbbing to the beat of time…
All I can wish for is the pain and agony to end,
That is the pain of rejection, isolation… I cannot go on in
With a consciousness that has been broken and destroyed.
Please stop this, its killing me inside.
Living Pain of Isolation, Rejection
The corner of isolation is society’s deposit on me.
The painfull spot that I had been placed in.
It tears at my heart, it tears and rips me up inside.
It kills me inside, like a ravaging beast, an unsettled
A worm that bites into the heart, strangles it and eats it.
So many shadows, so much darkness in here
Unrecognition of society, the chopping off of things.
The cutting off of being something, like a discarded limb.
I can’t handle this rejection and isolation…
Why do people do it, and continue with it, when I scream in
The pain was so unbearable, life lost its meaning and
The pain is like an unsettled leech, sucking my essence and
I wish it to stop… this rejection… this isolation.. please
make it stop.
Would you like to go through this pain ?
Then why do it to me ?
Rejection is the shadow of things…
A parasite that lingered with me from the day I was born,
Through bullying at school to present day interacting with
The reason being is that I am different from the norm,
Biologically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually…
And genetically …. shiva-shakti aka Complex or Undetermined.
I try to explain for clarity, for tolerance for
I get ignored, ridiculed, judged and assumed…
Blocked, Banned, Tossed, Censored, Pushed Away..
Assumed to be assumptions before completing my voice.
The voice that that is suppressed and silenced..
I don’t know why people suppress my voice,
I don’t understand why they would reject me…
Running on assumption without having ears to hear…